You walk into a dusty old store. Thousands of items are piled high on shelves and tables. There aren’t any signs. You see a kettle next to a hairbrush, and a pair of gloves draped over an alarm clock. You open a box, and it’s full of cheap, broken china. You open another; there’s only packaging inside. You open a third, and find a jewellery case. It’s not what you want, but it’s exquisite and in wonderful condition. You walk out.
You walk into another store. It’s brightly lit, with a few hundred items on display. A sign hangs above each aisle. You pick kitchenware, and walk past the pans, the crockery, and the utensils. You reach the small appliances, and see three blenders side-by-side on the second shelf. You pick the one you want and pay for it.
On the way out, you spot a gift aisle. Interested, you investigate, and see a jewellery case. It’s not what you came for, but it’s exquisite and in wonderful condition. You buy it.
Be concise
Okay, let’s get to the point. You’ve just read 170 words, and you’re probably wondering what’s going on.
When you write, you must be clear and concise; the reader is your customer. You may have blenders and jewellery cases, but if they’re hidden in a jumble of broken crockery and empty boxes, you aren’t going to make many sales.
Writing concisely doesn’t come naturally to most of us. You have to learn to structure and edit your writing so that you communicate clearly and crisply. Here are some things that will help.
Avoid the passive voice
When we write, we can use the active or passive voice. The passive voice is when something is done to the subject, as in:
“The car was hit by a rock that was thrown by the boy.”
The active voice is when the subject does something:
“The boy threw a rock, which hit the car.”
The active voice uses fewer words, and is clearer and more forceful.
Don’t say the same thing twice
Once is enough. The following sentence has several redundancies:
“The basic fundamentals of the situation have led to an end result where we can’t be proactive and plan ahead.”
Try this instead:
“We can’t plan ahead, given the situation.”
Hunt down redundancies and eliminate then. For example, write:
- Proximity, not close proximity
- Gift, not free gift
- Each, not each and every
- Custom, not usual custom
- Opinion, not personal opinion
Phrases, not clauses
Phrases are simpler than clauses. The sentence below is verbose:
“This novel, which was finished in 1847, never achieved the popularity of his other works.”
Instead, write:
“Finished in 1847, this novel never achieved the popularity of his other works.”
Even better, write:
“This 1847 novel never achieved the popularity of his other works.”
However, be careful not to misplace your modifiers:
“The cat drank the milk that was poured into the saucer.”
“Poured into the saucer, the cat drank the milk.”
How do you pour a cat?
Words, not phrases
Sometimes, you can reduce a phrase or clause to a single word:
“James felt that he was the one who was to blame.”
“James felt responsible.”
“It is probable that this is the first time.”
“This is probably the first time.”
Don’t use unnecessary intensifiers
Words like very, quite, extremely and really intensify the meaning of what they modify. Sometimes they can be important, as in:
“I expected it to be small, but it’s very small.”
At other times, the intensifier is unnecessary and should be deleted:
“I am very enraged at your conduct.”
“I am enraged at your conduct.”
There are
When you write a sentence such as the one below, you’re wasting space:
“There are five cars that are parked in the driveway.”
Instead, write:
“Five cars are parked in the driveway.”
This also applies to there is and it is:
“There is a cat which is on the roof.”
“A cat is on the roof.”
“It is John who stands to lose the most.”
“John stands to lose the most.”
Avoid empty phrases
Many common phrases add nothing to your writing, and should be eliminated:
“As a matter of fact, there are three books on the table, not four.”
“There are three books on the table, not four.”
“Your idea is, for all intents and purposes, impractical.”
“Your idea is impractical.”
Others to avoid include:
- in the process of
- what I am saying is
- in an manner of speaking
- when it comes down to it
- due to the fact that
- when you think about it
- in my humble opinion
- in a real sense
Avoid clichés
Clichés start out as a clever way of saying something, but they quickly become annoying and boring. Avoid sentences like:
“We thought he was in it for the long term, but it was only a flash in the pan.”
Either be original or write plainly:
“We thought he would persist, but he didn’t.”
Don’t carry this to extremes
The goal is to make every word you write count, not to reduce everything to basic English. Sentence variety, imagery and vocabulary also improve your writing, as long as they’re appropriate. Use your judgement; you can go too far:
“The Siamese stretched languidly on the burgundy carpet and waited patiently.”
“The cat sat on the mat.”


